The sudden displacement of the May breeze carries the scent of fresh leaves. Despite the brilliance of the new greenery, my heart felt as heavy as lead. No, “heavy” isn’t the right word. It was a mass of indescribable emotion—a cocktail of rage, despair, and confusion that screamed, You’ve got to be kidding me.
“…Hey, tell me this is a lie.”
The reflection in the mirror was a stranger—a middle-aged woman. When I grimaced, wrinkles webbed out from the corners of the eyes. Cheeks that should have been firm were now succumbing to the pull of gravity, sagging in a way that felt physically wrong. The hair, once lustrous and black, was parched, frizzy, and shot through with strands of grey.
I wanted someone to tell me it was a prank. A hidden camera? No, that was impossible. The hands I controlled were covered in skin I didn’t recognize, mottled with liver spots. The sound that clawed its way out of my throat was raspy and high-pitched—the voice of a total stranger.
“An old lady… No, a middle-aged woman…?”
Actually, she looked a bit younger than that. Late forties, maybe early fifties. Regardless, the fact that this woman in the mirror was undeniably me, Sho, was a reality I couldn’t overwrite.
Until moments ago, I was Sho. Twenty years old, college student. Clubs, part-time jobs, the occasional lecture. Idiotic fun with friends, gaming until dawn, the thrill of the chase… I was a quintessential university student devouring his youth. How did it come to this?
It started just a few hours ago. A back alley in the shopping district. The twilight orange reflected in puddles trapped in the asphalt cracks—a dim, desolate place.
“Excuse me, young man. Could I have a moment?”
The one who called out was a woman named Taeko. She was a middle-aged woman, strangely unkempt, with a slight slouch and a shadowed aura. I felt a piercing obsession lurking in the depths of her eyes.
“What is it, lady? I’m busy.”
“Busy, busy… That’s the nature of being young, isn’t it?”
Taeko laughed, a self-deprecating sound. Her face was etched with deep furrows.
“Listen, young man. I want that youth of yours. I want it so badly I can taste it.”
I burst out laughing. “Haha, what are you talking about? You want my youth? That’s a hell of a joke.”
“It’s no joke. I can no longer endure this hideous, withered vessel.”
Taeko reached into her coat and produced an eerie charm—a piece of wood carved with grotesque patterns. It seemed to emit a faint, sickly light.
“This is an heirloom, a charm with a very specific power. If I use this…”
She thrust the charm before my eyes. In that instant, my vision was swallowed by a flash of white. Hot, then cold. These contradictory sensations surged through my entire mass. A high-pitched ringing filled my ears, and my consciousness frayed.
When I came to, I was here. A cheap restroom in the corner of a dimly lit multi-tenant building. And in the mirror: a woman I didn’t know.
“I did it… I finally did it!”
A cry of triumph echoed from outside. It was Taeko’s voice.
“This body, this youth—it’s mine! Look at this unlined skin! Feel the tension in these limbs!”
Drawn by her voice, I pushed open the restroom door. Standing there… was me. My young, lean body. My favorite hoodie and jeans. The hands extending from the sleeves were pale, slender, and smooth.
“Taeko-san…!”
I called her name, but the voice was raspy and weak.
“Ah, it’s you. I’ve finally shed that hideous skin and that voice. I suppose I should thank you, but I have no further use for you.”
Taeko looked at me with a mix of pure ecstasy and cold derision.
“I’ll enjoy your youth in your place. Spend the rest of your miserable life in that repulsive shell.”
With that, she sprinted down the stairs. Her gait was light, buoyant—like a child who had just received a new toy.
I collapsed where I stood. Despair seized my entire body.
“It’s a lie… it’s a lie…”
My voice trembled. I covered my face with wrinkled hands. The sensation pressing against my skin was no longer mine. Youth. It was something I had taken for granted as a constant. But now, everything had been stripped away. It wasn’t just my youth I had lost. My identity, my life—my entire world had vanished in a heartbeat.
Who could I tell? Who would believe me?
“What… what am I supposed to do…?”
I whispered the words aloud. But the only response was the unfamiliar, aged voice of a woman I didn’t know.
Standing on the precipice of despair, I still tried to cling to a fraying thread of hope.
I should go back to the university. If I spoke to Yuki, my best friend, or Saki, the girl I admired, surely they would believe me. I dragged my leaden feet toward the campus, but it was merely a prelude to a deeper, more suffocating darkness.
The Erasure of Self
I crossed paths with Yuki at the main gate. He was walking while scrolling through his phone, same as always.
“Yuki!”
I called out with every ounce of strength in my lungs. But the voice that left my throat didn’t reach him. No—it wasn’t that it didn’t reach; he stopped for a moment and looked at my face, his expression curdling into suspicion.
“What is it, lady? Do I know you?”
The word lady—obasan—constricted my chest like a tightening wire.
“Yuki, it’s me! It’s Sho!” I pleaded, desperate.
He let out a short, mocking snort. “Hah? What the hell are you talking about, lady? Sho is right over there.”
He pointed. There, standing undeniably in the flesh that used to be mine, was Taeko. She was chatting with Yuki, wearing a radiant, full-faced smile I had never seen on my own features.
“Yuki, looks like some strange person is bothering you. Are you okay?” Taeko asked, her voice laced with feigned concern.
It was my voice.
Yuki looked back at me, his gaze filled with a visceral disgust, as if he were staring at a piece of sentient filth. “Listen, you’re creeping me out. Stop talking to us. You don’t know Sho, and he definitely doesn’t know you.”
I was paralyzed, a ghost haunting my own life. I sought out Saki next—the flower of the Literature Department. Perhaps she would sense the truth. I found her in the cafeteria and approached her, my heart hammering against the constrictive cage of a bra that felt like an alien exoskeleton.
“Saki…”
She looked up, but her eyes held the same jagged edge of caution as Yuki’s.
“Um… yes? Can I help you?”
“It’s me! Sho! Don’t you remember?” I reached out to her, and she flinched, retreating a step.
“I’m sorry, you must have the wrong person…”
“No! I’m Sho! Look, we went to the movies together the other day, right? And at the club mixer…” I rattled off memories that belonged only to the two of us. But the wall in her eyes didn’t budge.
“You’re being… creepy. Please, just stop.”
She pushed past me and walked away. I collapsed to my knees, the center of gravity in this new, wider pelvis making even my descent feel clumsy and wrong. Tears tracked down my cheeks. It was only natural—I couldn’t even believe the woman in the mirror was me.
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